I’VE NEVER HAD A PLAYBOOK
I’ve never seen a path and wanted to take it. If anything, I’ve seen multiple paths and wanted to piece my life together like a mosaic. A little bit of this, a whole bunch of that, and the glue is pen to paper.
For a while, the idea of being the greatest or becoming a best seller appealed to me, and I realized that wasn’t the kind of North Star that truly inspired me. I saw that if I kept following them, I’d always end up writing for someone else instead of myself.
In my life, writing—being a poet for hire—is the only thing I’ve been consistent at. I loved the long days on the streets, meeting strangers. I never thought about a playbook during those first years when I quit my other life fast, with no plan. Yes, maybe that was a mistake. But I have to treat my mistakes like fate—like little divots in the road I had to fall into to keep me safe from what was down the other fork.
Over the past few months, I’ve been quiet. I’ve been thinking about the things people consider as they hit mid-life. Most of those thoughts are about meaning.
Sometimes, I question whether what I do holds any real meaning beyond the simple joy it brings me. There is something magical about sharing how small and lovely my life is. The permission I see in their eyes as I show them it’s okay to embrace who you are and it’s okay to find something you love, build something small, and adjust your life to it.
I know my story probably feels like many other people’s stories, and I think that’s because people are waking up to what’s important in life. This life should fill you with laughs and wonder, not worry.
Yes, I get it. Not all of us have the time, and many of us have responsibilities.
Won’t we will always be able to add more to our routines and find ways to take on additional responsibilities. But when will you have time to move in the direction that inspires you?
If there’s a path that calls to your heart, all I say is: start small. Take the first step down that path.
It’s not that we don’t have time. I think we have a lot of time.
It’s that the time seems to move faster every year. Our calendars fill more and more, and we end up pushing it off to another day, week, or year.
Do we play it safe and wait? or do we use these years to explore the tether in our hearts.
I can’t make you act. I can tell you this: at the end of my life, I will look back and know it was worth it. Because if I hadn’t done it, I would have always wondered: what if
For me the art will never stop, because for me, it’s the doorway into my heart. For me, art is the healing modality.
It is the thing I make for me to give to you.
It’s a piece of me I share with you in hopes you find the same.
